A big thank you to Smart Girls Love SciFi for hosting me! Hopefully I’ll fit in — I think I’m smart, I’m a bona-fide girl (except when it comes to my hatred of jeggings), and I positively adore SciFi.
Today I’m going to tell you a tail about an alien.
The hero of my new romantic comedy space opera RAGNAR AND JULIET is that alien. As in, a dude from outer space who is not human. Ragnar has lots of great stuff going for him — he’s easygoing, has a smile to knock your panties off at twenty paces, and he sports a tail.
Not a fluffy tail, nor a were-tail, not even an angsty tale of sorrowful angst. But a long, arrow-tipped tail that protrudes from his shapely gluteus maximus. He’s mostly human-like in other ways, including one rather important body part that the heroine, Juliet, enjoys. Ahem. (What? It’s a romance!)
You may think a tail very weird, but it’s de rigeur where he comes from. He thinks it’s weird that you don’t have one. And it’s so talented! It’s good at slipping up my heroine’s skirt at inopportune moments. It belongs to a man, after all — what else is he supposed to do with it?
There have been many popular characters throughout time who possessed a tail.
He may be bad, but he’s hot, and not just from the fires of hell, wink wink. I think all interesting heroes have a bit of devil in them. Who wants Luke when they can have Han? Scoundrels get the best lines, and come with surprisingly large… health care benefits packages. You’ll never die at the paws of ROUS (rodents of unusual size) with a scoundrel nearby.
Everyone’s favorite depressed donkey has a tail nailed to his stuffed booty, which is not ideal, really. Ragnar’s is attached. And he’s not a donkey, which is good for the book since human-donkey romances don’t sell very well. Nor should they.
Nightcrawler from the X-Men
Nightcrawler is an example of a fine, athletic man who has a marvelous tail. He was partly the inspiration for Ragnar, as I’ve always loved the idea of a naughty fifth limb on a man. Maybe I read too many comic books growing up, but if fantasizing about fictitious blue mutants is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
If you could have any sci-fi body part, appendage, or ability, what would it be? I think my ability would be teleportation. It would sure cut down on airline fees, and how awesome would it be to end a conversation by disappearing with dramatic flourish? If I could choose an appendage, it would be Wolverine. Rawr.
Tell me your dream magical-type ability in the comments and I’ll choose one at random to win a copy of RAGNAR AND JULIET. If you’d like to buy the book (and I encourage that), you can go to http://www.liquidsilverbooks.com/books/ragnarandjuliet.htm and/or read a sample here. Below is a blurb:
RAGNAR AND JULIET
Bounty hunting is usually so easy. Flash a little cleavage, mix a roofie cocktail, and Juliet has her man right where she wants him: out cold, ready to be swapped for cash. Her passions are freedom, trashy clothes, and pie — not necessarily in that order.
Hunky alien ship captain Ragnar doesn’t deserve torture at the hands of the psychotic king who hired Juliet; he liberated one of William the Nefarious’ illegal concubines. Juliet can’t ignore such a noble act. She doesn’t trust men, but this one, with the kindest smile she’s ever seen, picks away at her resolve to stay aloof and clothed. He’s just so…nice! Crazy she can deal with; sincerity is terrifying.
Before she gives in to her irrational urge to get a timeshare with him (and his cute tail), they’re caught by the bad guys. Ragnar disappears and abandons her to her disgusting captors — so much for togetherness. Perhaps he’s not such a saint. Even worse, Nefarious William (who prefers “Bob”) has nominated her for Concubine of the Evening. This dubious honor does not thrill her, and only a few hours remain before the king’s mind-altering drugs obliterate her free will.
Sexual slavery might not be fatal, but Juliet would rather die. Of course, the third option (run away to a beach and hump Ragnar silly) is the best, if they can live that long.
Thanks for reading!