So.

I’ve calmed down a bit. So I can review this movie with no flashes of  perplexed ramblings.

The” Mortal Instruments” has been my fandom in the YA universe. A universe dominated by Twilight, Percy Jackson, Hunger Games, Harry Potter and oh so much more. Mortal Instruments was MINE.

I can’t remember how I stumbled upon these book, but I do remember my admiration skyrocketed after having a chance to meet the author at a local bookstore. I loved everything about the series. The angel/human descendants. These human children that put their lives at risk to fight demons. The stupid Clave. Jace. Clary. Simon. Demons. Vampires. Werewolves. Angels. Witches. MAGNUS BANE.

Then the prequel, “The Infernal Devices” came out and it just blew my mind. I am infatuated with that one. I am prolonging reading it because I really don’t want that one to end.

So when I saw the trailer for “Mortal Instruments” waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back last year, I freaked out in the theater and dropped my popcorn. I  was clutching my poor boyfriends sweater arm and hissing into it excitedly. I wonder why he doesn’t think I’m a closet banshee. I made a vow then and there to attend the midnight showing. I didn’t attend the midnight showings for Harry Potter and  I loved that series. So this shows how MUCH I love the series.

Before I delve into the movie experience let me clear this out of the way. Yes, I know that Clare made this an original fan fiction.  I don’t care. If I like a story, I like a story. As long as it’s not outright plagiarism then I don’t care. No one can really come up with an original story idea. They’re all essentially derivatives of some other story. I immediately think of Carlos Mencia and Joe Rogan.

So.

There I was sitting blearily in my seat. I had two Rune tattoos on my arm (thanks hot topic!). And then the opening sequence happened.

Out came my first thought:

“Huh. That was fast. This reminds me of 10th Kingdom”

Then:

“Her hair isn’t red enough”

“Jace is…..nice?”

“Simon is….sexy?!”

“Did they steal that portal from Stargate?”

“So, no police every came to investigate the apartment? Ever?”

” Why do these werewolves look like they came from Twilight?”

“Oh that was funny”

“Oh that wasn’t  really funny”

“THAT is not a City of Bones…THAT is a Closet of Bones”

“I want Isabella’s whip”

“OMIGOD MAGNUS BANE…..HOT”

“Rhys….looks like Capt Jack but….not…”

“Demons are awesome and disgusting”

“Clary…please close your mouth and breath through your nose”

Finally:

“HUH”

That is the sum of my final expression. These were only a smattering of my thoughts as  I watched the movie. And I shouldn’t be able to pull myself out of my movie to have to think about it. Even if it’s bad, I should enjoy the story. I LOVE Sucker Punch. I was enthralled with the aesthetics and story. It was flawed but it was complete.

Let me start with the positives:

• The casting is pretty decent. (ERMAGAWD MAGNUS BANE)
• The sets were beautiful
• The demons were pretty icky and cool
• The action sequences are really good. Really good.
• The psychic witch
• Simon
• MAGNUS BANE
• Isabella’s whip

Sigh. The negatives:

• No one is developed as a character. They’re all stereotypes.
• No rules or backstory is explained.
• No sense of danger in being a Shadowhunter. (This is my same issue with “Hunger Games”-no one playing was starving.)
• The mother
• Not enough Magnus Bane.
• So fast paced, there are plot threads fraying in the wind.
• Hodge and Valentine (I know their backstory but in the movie it’s just shoved in.)
• The Ending. WTF was up with the ending!??!?

So I do have many issues with it BUT… this is coming from someone who reads and watches movies a lot. I try not to, but I analyze as I read/watch. I was sitting ready to enjoy this movie, but I was already targeting the weak points. This is a series I love and I damn well expected the director/production company to care for it as much as I do.

I have  expectations when I watch a movie. If it’s a fantasy movie, I want to be in awe. If it’s a drama, I want to be in tears. And so on. This isn’t always true, since movies that are produced are heavily hacked by different hands; executives, focus groups, directors.

I wasn’t  entirely happy with it. I don’t hate it. I can’t bring myself to hate it. It’s like watching your idol stumble on the stairs.

Even though I may bitch and moan as I hack at the merits/demerits of a movie I will continue to pay for these kind of movies at the theater. I would rather have mediocre made movies based on books, than Grown Ups 3. Or another Spider Man Trilogy. As a bookworm, I continue to support books turned into movies!

Don’t take what I say about the movie to heart. Movies resound differently with many people. This is just one perspective of a fan.

If nothing else, watch it for Magnus. Oh gawd. HOT.